Pay Attention In Now (PAIN): A Story of Listening and Letting Go
“How much pain do you have? Is it bearable?”
I have asked myself this question quietly many times. And I’ve heard it asked by others too. Pain is universal, I think, but how we notice it… or choose to ignore it… is very personal.
I always thought I was lucky. Until my early 40s, I didn’t really experience much period pain. But I had seen it, up close.
My cousin, for example, went through some of the hardest days I can imagine—unbearable cramps, vomiting, cold sweats, leg cramps. And yet, instead of understanding or support, there was often judgment. She was expected to tolerate it all quietly.
I grew up with the same lesson: “Just bear it. Don’t make it a big issue.” And I did. I carried it quietly. Until I turned 42.
After 40, things began to shift. My cycles became more painful. The bleeding became heavier. Around the same time, I started learning classical dance. I told myself it was all connected—perimenopause, physical activity, the body changing with age. That this was expected.
Until it wasn’t.
The bleeding didn’t stop. Ten days. Twelve days. Sometimes even fifteen. Heavy, draining, persistent. Slowly, it began affecting my daily life. Energy levels dropped. Routines became harder.
And yet, I waited.
It took me almost two years to finally consult a gynecologist.
When I did, things became clear. Adenomyosis. A uterus enlarged to the size of a 14-week pregnancy. Uterine prolapse.
I recently underwent an open hysterectomy, and now, as I write this, I am slowly recovering.
Looking back, I realize something simple, but important: pain is not weakness. Pain is not something to just endure. Pain is your body speaking to you.
PAIN — Pay Attention In Now.
If you can bear it, that’s okay. If you can’t, that’s okay too. Pain is simply a signal. A message. A gentle insistence that something deserves your attention.
I spoke about it very late. Maybe it was ego, maybe habit, maybe the belief that pain must be silently carried. But now I see: healing is not only physical. It is mental, emotional, gentle, and whole.
If something doesn’t feel right in your body, don’t wait too long. You can talk to a doctor. You can talk to someone you trust. You can allow yourself to be heard.
And if you feel alone in that, you don’t have to be. We are here.
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